


its shadow over the beginning

by QuietLittleVoices



Series: well past the middle of it [1]
Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Reagan-centric, Sharing a Room, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 22:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14924213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietLittleVoices/pseuds/QuietLittleVoices
Summary: In the wake of the thanksgiving himinist bust, Reagan is left with nowhere to go.





	its shadow over the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> A few things  
> 1 - I'm inventing f/f in this fandom and you're welcome.  
> 2 - I've worked harder on this fic than anything else in a long time so like.. keep that in mind thank you.  
> 3 - Title from Little Beast by Richard Siken.
> 
> To the three people who will probably like this fic: you're valid and I love u

**November**

Reagan knew she had bad taste in men. 

Her high school boyfriend went to jail right after graduation, and of the three long-term relationships she’d had since then, one had been banned from every bar in the area, another had stolen her grandmother’s silverware at Christmas, and the third had been arrested for driving a getaway car. 

So she wasn’t as surprised as she should have been when she realized who Ernie Saucedo was. 

“I feel so stupid,” she admitted to Emily and Maggie one night when they were meeting up in her hotel room, preparing plans and things for the big day. “I just feel...” she sighed and sad down in the bed. 

Emily walked over and put her hand on Reagan’s shoulder. “It’s okay to still have feelings for him, Reagan,” she said. “You don’t have to justify it to anyone. Just know you’re doing the right thing here.”

Reagan nodded. “Yeah.”

Arresting Ernie was probably the hardest thing she’d ever done, and it was barely down to her own work.

She was reprimanded by the Director and put on suspension. Because she failed - big time. She’d literally been in bed with the enemy, and without knowing it, too, which somehow made it worse. 

“You should probably leave,” Maggie had suggested. “We only arrested one, so the rest are going to be looking for you more than either of us.”

Reagan knew that Maggie was right, but she wasn’t unfamiliar with danger. Maybe she wasn’t a great FBI agent, sure, but she was trained for being in danger. She was prepared for that - she knew what to do. And there was still work left to do in King Falls. They’d only arrested Ernie, and there had been a lot more men there who had objectively higher positions within King Falls, so their plan had failed, but they still had to do something about the ever-growing himinist movement.

“I can’t go,” Reagan decided. “I have to stay and help, even if I’m not exactly ‘on the job’.”

Emily had been happy to hear her say that. “Where exactly are you going to stay, though?”

“It’s not great cover, but - the motel in Big Pine, I think. It’s the only place that’s outside of King Falls that I can think of that isn’t too far. I know they’ll realize right away, but-” Reagan shrugged. “If I end up over two hours away, I might as well be back in DC.”

Emily didn’t look convinced of her plan. “I’d feel better if - oh, wait.” Emily took her phone out and sent a quick text while Reagan watched her, confused and silent. “Yeah, okay, this might work. Do you know Lily Wright, the journalist?”

Reagan nodded slowly. “I know  _ of _ her, but I’ve never met her.”

“That’s fine. She’s staying at the motel in Big Pine right now, too, working on a story, and sort of got involved with the himinists maybe? And she’s Sammy’s friend, I guess, or she was. It’s complicated, I think.” The whole time she spoke, Emily had been tapping away at her phone and then looking at it expectantly.

“Why does this matter?” Reagan asked bluntly.

“Well, I know that you’re really capable, and she is too, but I just asked Ben for her e-mail because… I would just feel better if you weren’t alone?” Emily admitted shyly. “I thought maybe I’d ask her - and you, of course - if you two could maybe stay together? Keep each other safe.”

Reagan knew she could take care of herself, but she softened in the face of Emily’s earnest desire to protect the people around her. “That works for me. Send the e-mail, and let me know.”

So Emily did, and within the hour Lily had agreed to the idea, and Reagan was on her way to the motel with a room number written on a post-it note and the one suitcase she had brought on what she had originally thought would be a normal business trip.

 

Lily opened the door with one hand, glancing up briefly to see who is there before returning to her phone. “Come in,” she said, turning around and allowing Reagan to enter the relatively small motel room. “I probably won’t be around much.”

Reagan closed the door behind her and moved secondary lock into place. “That’s fine,” she replied, trying not to think about the fact that she probably  _ would _ be around, nearly constantly, because she didn’t have her job to do anymore. “Which bed?”

“I’ve already been using the one by the window, so you can take this one.” Lily pointed to the second twin bed on her way over to the small desk, which already had Lily’s things on it. There wasn’t much - just a small, sleek laptop and its bag resting against the wall - but it was clearly in use.

Reagan set her bag on the indicated bed but didn’t open it. “Emily said you were… friends… with Sammy?” She hadn’t meant for the question to come out, because even from what Emily said she knew it was a touchy subject, but she couldn’t help herself in the quiet of the motel room.

Lily barked a laugh. “I wouldn’t call us friends, but I know him, unfortunately.”

That… sounded worse than Emily had made it sound.  _ Complicated _ , Emily had said, but it didn’t sound so complicated coming from Lily. From what little she knew from Sammy himself and what she had gathered through research (because of course she’d researched both Sammy and Ben before going to speak with them - in the age of Google, it wasn’t hard to find at least barebones information on nearly every living person), his previous on-air persona before he’d moved to King Falls had been… less than desirable. Sexist, definitely; rude, absolutely. But she’d never gotten that vibe from Sammy himself, and as much as she was beginning to realize that her vibes weren’t always reliable it certainly seemed as if he’d either grown up from that or it had always been a false persona. 

She knew better than to ask Lily more questions about it. If Lily didn’t like Sammy, Reagan was sure that there was a reason for it that made at least some kind of sense, whether or not it was related to his previous work. People, even the best ones, made mistakes all the time, and some of them aren’t forgivable. She knew that all too well.

 

With Greg out of the picture, they no longer had easy access to any members of the himinist group. Before they’d arrested Ernie, Maggie and Reagan had been able to follow Greg at a distance and Emily had been able to ask a lot of questions without raising his suspicions (because he could never suspect his ‘dear Emily’, and whether that was because he genuinely trusted her or just out of misogyny didn’t really matter to their ends), and that was how they’d gotten the time and place of the meeting in the first place along with the names of (unconfirmed) members. It was how they knew Ernie would be there, and how Reagan had ever found out that Anthony was really Ernie. She still felt ashamed that she had never figured it out on her own.

It was good that Greg was gone. He was awful and had treated Emily terribly, but Reagan understood Emily’s conflict and confusion in the situation. Maggie had been extremely vocal about thinking Emily should just leave him and that they’d find another way to get information on the himinists, and Emily had always shied away from her when she’d gotten that way. Emily wasn’t going to do anything until she had proof that Greg was as bad as everyone told her, even though she had proof through his treatment of her. Reagan understood - sometimes, it was hard to see the forest for the trees. She’d been there, before and with Anthony. 

Not having the direct and oblivious line feeding them information set them back. Not to square one, because at least they had made one arrest and had much more information than they had when they had first started, but it left them with no clear path.

“We need to look at the other men who were there,” Maggie said when the three of them met in Reagan’s motel room while Lily was out doing… whatever it was she was doing. With her podcast on hiatus, Reagan wasn’t entirely sure. “Burt isn’t gonna give as easy but I can follow him after work, if we need.”

Emily sighed. “He knows you’re working with us, though - it’s not safe. If he or any of the others see you, it could go bad.”

Maggie set her jaw. “What else are we gonna do, Emily? What other options do we have right now?”

Reagan got up and walked to the bathroom without saying anything. As she shut the door, the women outside stopped talking. She took a deep breath and turned the tap on, cupping her hands under the stream and splashing water on her face. After a few seconds, someone knocked at the door, and she grabbed a hand towel to dry her face. “Come in.”

Emily let herself in and shut the door behind her, leaving Maggie alone in the main room. “What happened there, Reagan? Are you okay?”

Reagan braced her hands against the sink and let her head sag between her shoulders, her shoulder-length hair falling around her face. She let all of her weight be supported by her hands for a second, tipping forwards just slightly over the sink, and then stood back up straight. “I don’t know.” She reached up and efficiently tied her hair into a low ponytail. “I just - I wish I could be more help. I  _ should _ be more help.”

Hesitantly, Emily reached out and put a hand on Reagan’s shoulder. “You’re helping by staying safe. Just because we don’t need you to do reconnaissance right now doesn’t mean we don’t need you, in general. And you’ll be better than either of us when we’re ready to stop them for good.”

Reagan tried to smile at her but it was obviously strained. “Thanks.”

Emily smiled back at her and patted her shoulder once before taking her hand away. “Take your time, then. We’re just about done for the day, I think - Maggie’s gearing up to go on a rant about Burt, so we should nip that in the bud. You could ask Lily about some of this later, if you want. She was kidnapped by them when she was filming her show, so she might be interested or know some stuff we don’t.”

“I’ll do that, yeah,” Reagan agreed, nodding. “She said she’s busy with something, so I’m not sure when she’ll get back, but I’ll ask.”

Emily’s smile came back, wide and genuine. “That’s great. I’ll tell Maggie and we’ll head out - I promised I’d meet Ben before he went into the studio, anyway, and she has to get to bed.” She opened the door to the bathroom and started to leave.

“Sounds good,” Reagan agreed. “Text me if anything… happens?”

“Of course.” She closed the door behind her and Reagan let out a shaky breath. She listened as Emily spoke to Maggie quietly and then heard the door shut loudly next to her. 

She left the bathroom and fell onto her unmade bed. She’d been spending so much time around the motel with nothing else to do, so the cleaning crew kept skipping them. Lily had said she prefered it because she didn’t want anyone going through her things and left the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the knob when she left anyway, so Reagan didn’t feel too bad about it. They just asked for more towels when they needed them.

 

Lily didn’t come back until after midnight.

She tried to be quiet, but Reagan was a light sleeper so she woke up as soon as the doorknob turned. Lily noticed. “Go back to sleep, it’s fine.”

Reagan shook her head and sat up, flicking the bedside light on. “No, I wanted to talk to you, actually, if that’s ok?”

Lily started to change into pyjamas and Reagan looked slightly away. “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

“You know what Maggie, Emily, and I have been looking into, right? The himinist stuff?”

“They tried to intimidate me before, so yeah, I’m aware of them.” Lily huffed and Reagan heard her start to move around so she looked over to see Lily getting into her bed. She noticed that Lily didn’t use the word ‘kidnapped’ like Emily had, and wondered if it was out of pride or missing context but decided not to ask. “I’m sort of dealing with something else right now, though. I tried to look into all that before, but it seems like you three are handling it.”

“Well… thanks. We just wanted to know if you knew anything or found anything out, from your other research.”

Lily shook her head. “Pretty sure I don’t know anymore than you do, but I’ll let you know if I hear anything, okay?”

“We would appreciate it. I know you’re… occupied. What are you looking into that kept you out this late, anyway?” Reagan couldn’t help but ask, but she was fairly certain Lily wouldn’t answer.

Lily reached all the way over and flipped the lamp off. “I’m looking for someone,” she admitted in the darkness. 

“Oh - yeah. Your intern, right?” She felt stupid for forgetting, because she’d listened to Lily’s show on Ben’s recommendation and had heard about the disappearance.

“Sure.”

It didn’t sound like Lily was lying, but Reagan got the sense that she wasn’t being told the whole truth. The air of finality was clear, though, and Reagan knew that the conversation was over. She laid back down and fell asleep, trying not to let herself think too much.

 

“I’m looking at the Science Institute,” Lily told Reagan in the morning, seemingly out of the blue but clearly continuing the previous nights’ discussion. “I don’t know what their part is, but they’re obviously heavy-hitters financially. If anyone could finance the network of disappearances that go on here, it’s them. Keeping these kinds of things quiet nationally the way this town has takes serious money, and if the Science Institute is known for anything it’s money.”

“Like with the rainbow lights?” Reagan asked, less of a directed question and more of a wondering. “Tim and Emily?”

Lily nodded. “Exactly. I thought about it, and the power they have might also back up what you’re looking into.”

“That… could be something.” Reagan took out her phone and quickly sent a text off to Emily, knowing that she would be awake by now and starting to open the library. Emily texted back a thumbs-up almost immediately followed by an  _ I’ll look into it from here _ .

When Reagan looked up, Lily looked like she was debating something with herself. She let the silence hang as Lily came to a decision. “My brother went missing three years ago,” she admitted. “I don’t know much about what happened. We had… some problems, and I only started talking to him again about six months before it happened. But what I do know, what he told me, is that he was researching King Falls.” She bit her lip. “Missing people don’t get found alive after three years,” she continued. “I know that. I’m not gonna find him. If the Science Institute was even involved at all - I don’t know. I’m trying to find out; I want to keep this from happening to anyone else.” Lily shook her head and took a deep, unsteady breath in. “Okay I’m done talking about it now.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Reagan replied. It was the most she’d heard Lily say at one time in the week they had been staying together, and the most personal thing as well. “Emily said she’ll start to look into the Science Institute with our angle. We’ll tell you anything we find.”

Lily straightened her blazer, more for something to do with her hands than any real need - she made use of the motels iron extensively and had her own steamer, so her clothes were always crisp and clean. “Thank you. I have to go now, but text me if you hear anything or… if you need anything.”

Before Reagan could reply, Lily had already turned and left the motel room.

Reagan sat down heavily on the edge of her bed. She looked down at what she was wearing - jeans and a loose floral print t-shirt, purchased for her undercover stint as a housewife. It was a far cry from the fitted suits she usually wore for work, but those stood out in a small town, and it was different than the other clothes in her wardrobe back home in her apartment in DC. She felt out of touch with herself looking at them, like they were keeping her trapped in a dishonest version of herself. She made a decision and grabbed her wallet and a jacket - if she couldn’t do anything else, she would at least find clothing to wear that made her feel even slightly more like herself.

 

**December**

“I’m going to talk to Tim Jensen tomorrow,” Lily said. Ever since Emily and Maggie had agreed that the Science Institute was also their biggest lead on the himinists, Reagan and Lily had taken to discussing various angles of attack in the evenings.

Reagan nodded. “He might not know anything. Tim-Two at least - he said he doesn’t remember anything from when he was taken by the rainbow lights. But he might want to help figure out what happened with Tim-One.”

“I thought it was Tim-2015 and Tim-2016?” 

Reagan shrugged, pushing the food in her take-out container around with her fork. “There seems to be debate.”

“Well, I want to talk to the one not working with the Science Institute right now, because the one who  _ is _ working with them is probably under lock and key. I’ll need to find some other way to talk to  _ him _ , but the one who isn’t working with them is easier to find and talk to.”

“You made it more confusing. I understand which Tim you want to talk to, anyway, so just - just call him Tim, no modifiers. If you need to talk about the other one, we can figure it out.”

Lily tapped her fork against the side of the styrofoam box thoughtfully. “Do you know if he started working again?”

“He hasn’t. I can ask Ben and -” she shook her head and cut herself off before saying Sammy’s name, knowing that it was still a strained relationship. “Last I heard, they still wouldn’t take him back, but he might have found new work since then.”

“Doubt it,” Lily snarked. “Small towns being what they are.”

“What do you know about small towns?”

Lily shrugged and took a bite of food. “Practically? Nothing. I’ve always lived in cities, and thank God for that.”

Reagan put her empty container to the side and leaned back on her hands. “I grew up in a small town,” she admitted. “It wasn’t that bad; there were always people who knew me around, which is probably not good for some people. But community was important there, people sticking up for each other. It is here, too. Sometimes it’s… too important, though.”

Lily nodded. “I understand community, or the desire for it. I spent some time living in a suburb when I was in high school, and I got suspended for fighting, and… things weren’t the same after that, until my brother and I both moved away for college.”

“You? Fighting?” Reagan couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t that Lily didn’t look physically capable - she was fit, and when she took off her blazer her arms had some definition to them - but she didn’t seem like the type to  _ fight _ . She got out of situations with her intellect. “What happened there?”

“It was just some creep, I don’t even remember his name. He said some shit about - about my girlfriend at the time. I can only imagine how much worse it would have been in a small town. I probably would have killed someone,” she huffed a laugh. 

Reagan felt her fingers flex into the comforter. “I understand.”

Lily looked at her curiously and Reagan tried not to feel pinned down. She wasn’t an interviewer by trade to the degree that Lily was, but she knew the tactics and had conducted more than a handful. Lily didn’t ask, though, and she finished her food silently. Reagan got up and disposed of everything they were done with, from the plastic bag to small containers. Lily tossed her things in the bag when she was done and immediately started in on researching further on her laptop. Reagan decided to follow her lead and pulled out her own computer to find the folder that Emily had shared with her, containing copies of articles and links to things that she had found at the library.

 

Research was never Reagan’s strong suit. She’d joined the military right out of high school to finance an art degree in college, and her marks had been fine but there wasn’t as much pressure when you knew you had a job for at least the foreseeable future. The FBI had research, but the heavy stuff wasn’t really her department, and the research she had to do boiled down to some interviews on the scene. She was used to working with a team, relying on other people’s strengths. 

She had a team now - Emily and Maggie and, to an extent, Lily as well. That was her team. But the others all had objectives, things to do. Cut off from the resources she’d been using before, she was left with very few practical skills. 

Lily came back to find her surrounded by stacks of secondhand books, purchased from the shop she’d found down the street. They ranged every genre, from classic literature to trashy dime-a-dozen romances.

“They were having a bag sale when I walked in,” Reagan justified. “And I’m bored.”

Lily nodded and set the take out she’d brought with her down on the empty bed. “I guess I don’t have to ask how your day went.”

Reagan closed her book without marking the space (it wasn’t very good) and placed it on the pile on the floor between their beds. “The Wi-Fi here isn’t strong enough to stream Golden Girls.”

Lily sat down and started to remove the food, handing Reagan her half. She hummed thoughtfully but didn’t say anything, obviously wrapped up in whatever was going on in her head.

Bolstered by the fact that she had an inattentive audience, Reagan decided now was her time to speak. “I feel ridiculous. I’m going to get fired for real sooner than later, and I don’t have any plan for what to do after that. I can’t even help you or Emily with figuring out what’s happening because I don’t know  _ how _ , and what I’m able to do isn’t helpful right now. I just -” she stopped and let out a breath, realizing that she’d stood up in her need to let out at least some of the frantic energy she could feel pulsing under her skin. She sat back on the bed heavily and started to fiddle with the food containers. “I feel like I’ve failed but I’m still waiting for the second shoe to drop.”

Lily was silent for a moment and Reagan looked up and met her eyes. “Are you… finished?” Lily asked, and her voice was neutral enough to not be unkind.

Reagan swallowed thickly and busied herself with starting to eat. She only nodded in response, not trusting herself to speak for fear of going on another emotional tirade.

“Is there something you want me to say right now?” Lily asked evenly. “I don’t exactly ‘do’ comforting.”

Reagan set down her food again and pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes, resting her elbows on her knees. “I don’t think so. I just - I think I just needed to say it.” There was a lot more she felt she wanted - needed - to say, but she was no longer supported by her earlier confidence and felt too ashamed to admit to it.

“Well. You aren’t a failure, Reagan - you did your job. You arrested the person you set out to.”

“I know. It’s everything else that’s the problem.” She couldn’t help but laugh as she sat back and picked up her food again, for something to do with her hands if nothing else. “I fell in love with him - or I think I did. I felt  _ something _ for him, probably, and even though it was only for a few months - it stings. To know that he knew the whole time and was just using me, that he only pretended everything the whole time to get something from me. If he could be so bad at hiding and play me like that, what does that mean for me?”

“I can’t answer that, and you probably don’t want my opinion anyway,” Lily replied. “I don’t know what your history is, but it doesn’t sound like your best moment, so who cares? You got him in the end.”

Reagan smiled sadly. “My boss cares.”

“If they fire you, just get a new job,” Lily said bluntly. “You’re not a failure, because you figured it out and you did your goddamn job. You didn’t -” she stopped midstence and reconsidered. “Do you know how I know Sammy?”

Reagan felt a little confused at the sudden changes in Lily’s demeanor but shook her head. “Seemed like a touchy subject.”

Lily laughed but it wasn’t a happy one. “You could say that. I’ve known him for about ten years. We actually did a show together, right after college. My brother produced it. He and Sammy were close, and they left me to go do their own show somewhere else. And then Jack disappeared, and Sammy didn’t do anything.  _ He’s _ a failure. Even when I was the most mad at him, before, I trusted him to look out for Jack, and he couldn’t even do that.” Lily took a settling breath. “Sammy cuts and runs when things get even a little bit hard. That’s what failure is.”

Reagan didn’t know how to respond. It was true that she didn’t know Sammy very well, but he hadn’t struck her as someone who would abandon people he cared about who were in trouble. She knew that Lily’s side of the story wasn’t the only one, that there was more to what had happened between them, but she also knew that this wasn’t the time to ask or question Lily’s authority on her own feelings. “Thank you for telling me that,” she said finally, because it seemed like the right thing to say. 

Lily pressed her lips together in a thin line. “Don’t mention it. Seriously. I only told you so you’d know I’ve seen failure, and you’re not it.”

Reagan nodded but didn’t feel convinced. She refocused her attentions to the rapidly cooling food in her lap, and Lily did the same.

She’d known about Sammy’s old show from the research she’d been given on him, knew that his co-host and producer Jack Wright had gone missing before Sammy had moved to King Falls, but that was long enough ago that she had figured it was irrelevant to her case. They’d realized pretty quickly that their target was Ernie Saucedo, anyway. She had never made the connection between Sammy and Lily through Jack because they shared a common enough last name, and she hadn’t bothered to think about that aspect of Sammy’s history for very long.

They quietly fell into their routine of cleaning up and returning to research and Reagan pretended she had anything to keep her mind off how her situation was different - it just was.

 

**January**

“Run this by me again,” Maggie asked, pacing in front of the beds.

“Ben said he had some ideas,” Emily started, slowly and for the third time. “He wants me to come with him to check them out.”

Maggie nodded slowly. “Okay. Got that. Why just you, though?”

“I don’t know,” Emily answered, but the blush that followed undercut her words.

Maggie groaned. “Really?”

Emily didn’t answer and Reagan patted her shoulder sympathetically.

“Fine. Whatever. Go on your date, but at least take notes? If there’s something there, we need to know - don’t just get lost looking into his eyes or whatever,” Maggie griped.

“It’s not a date,” Emily tried to protest.

“It’s kind of a date,” Reagan replied.

Emily looked over at her, betrayed. “Not you, too!” She took a deep breath. “Ben wouldn’t have organized it like this if it wasn’t a real thing. There’s something he wants to look at, and I will report back to you too as soon as I know what it is, okay? It isn’t a date.”

“If you say so,” Maggie replied accommodatingly. “Fine. Go with him, but text as soon as you know where you’re going and as soon as you’ve seen it.”

Emily nodded determinately. “Of course.”

Soon after they came to their agreement, Emily and Maggie had to leave. Normally, Reagan wouldn’t be too bothered by it, because they had lives to get back to and Lily would come back with food and information to share within the hour, but Lily had texted earlier that she wouldn’t be in until early in the morning, if at all, so Reagan was left on her own.

She was used to being on her own, at least most of the time. Lately, she’d been spending all her days alone, and she had an apartment where she lived alone in DC. But that was a fairly recent development, only for as long as she’d worked for the FBI. But before then there were dorms, roommates, boyfriends, military barracks. Reagan hadn’t had a life that was extremely conducive towards being left alone with her thoughts.

Instead of letting herself spend more hours in the stifling motel room, she grabbed her room and car keys, put them in the pocket of her jacket, and set out. At the very least, she could go get food. 

Obviously, her car didn’t start. 

She hadn’t driven it at all in the last few days, and not much over the last few months, and it was cold out even if it wasn’t snowing. So it made sense, sort of. She slammed the side of her fist into the dashboard anyway.

She let out a loud, audible sigh, trying to tamper off the pressure that was building into something louder and more harsh, and turned the key again. The engine sputtered and turned over. 

She slammed the door as she got out and opened the hood before realizing she had forgotten everything she’d ever learned in high school auto shop around twenty years prior. She closed the hood, locked the car, and walked over to the front office.

A cheery bell rang as she pushed open the door into the warm room. There was a plush bench to one side of the door, underneath shelves full of nick-nacks that belonged in a decades old family cabin - wooden games, small figurines, more than one clock. Small paintings of trees and woodland scenes covered up most of the exposed space left on the walls. It felt almost cozy and lived-in even though it was obviously no one’s real home.

The receptionist was a young woman, probably not much over twenty if that, who was sitting behind a big wooden desk with what looked to be school work out on the table. She didn’t look up as Reagan entered.

“Is there a mechanic I can call to come check out my car?” she asked in lieu of a greeting.

The girl looked up, startled. “Uh - I don’t… Let me check.” She turned towards the old computer and slowly found her way to what must have been a search screen before typing something, shaking her head, erasing it, and typing something else. She did this a few times before turning to Reagan, already looking apologetic and defensive, like she expected Reagan to yell at her. “No one’s open on a Sunday night. I can give you a number to call in the morning?”

Reagan sighed and pushed down her frustration. The hours of operations of mechanics in this town weren’t this girls fault, though it was clear people frequently blamed her for less. “It’s okay. Give me the number; it’s fine.”

The girl ripped a piece of paper off the notepad on the top of the counter and jotted down a few lines. “Sorry,” she said, handing over the paper.

Reagan shook her head. “Thanks for the help.” She turned around and left the office, pulling her phone out as she went. She was already dialing the mechanic before she had reached her room again. She left a quick message and let her body drop back into the bed. She used her phone to google for a delivery place and ordered a pizza.

After she placed the order, she picked up one of the shitty spy thrillers she’d bought at the bookstore and set to making notes about how inconsistent the plot was.

 

Reagan woke up to the door closing heavily. She turned her head and saw the red numbers of her travel alarm clock telling her it was nearly three in the morning.

“Sorry,” Lily muttered. It wasn’t a whisper, because she obviously knew Reagan was awake, but she wasn’t speaking loudly. There was something  _ off _ about her voice, like it was hard for her to speak.

Reagan sat up and turned the light on. Lily reflexively covered her eyes as Reagan took a good look at her. Her button-up was untucked, sleeves unbuttoned and pushed to her shoulders, blazer off and slung over her arm, the usual pressed line in her slacks rumbled away. For the first time in the two months that Reagan had known her, Lily looked tired.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Lily snapped, starting to unbutton her shirt and letting her blazer fall in a heap on the floor. “I’m fine.”

Reagan raised an eyebrow. “What happened?”

Lily sighed heavily, acting as if it took a lot of concentration to find and change into her pyjamas. “It’s fucking - it’s on  _ Google _ ,” she muttered. “Google me and it’s in the first five  _ goddamn _ pages.”

That wasn’t a thought that Reagan could follow, as tired as she was. “I’d rather you just told me.”

“Jack went missing three years ago today,” Lily spat out. “Or, yesterday. Fuck.” She pulled a large t shirt over her head and gave up looking for sleep pants, falling backwards on top of her sheets.

Lily covered her face with her hands and Reagan didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Then what were you out doing?” she finally asked.

Lily turned her head to give a Reagan a cold look. “Don’t see why that’s any of your business.”

Reagan shrugged. “It isn’t. Tell me or don’t. Thought you might want to let it out.”

“I think I already said all I should.” She laughed and it started out like a huff, but she lost control of it and ended up laughing almost hysterically. Reagan pretended she didn’t see the tears that came out as she finally got a handle of herself. “Fuck.”

“What happened tonight, Lily?” Reagan asked evenly.

“I called the radio station,” she admitted slowly, biting out each word like it physically hurt her to say. “I was listening. Sammy was alone and I thought - I don’t know what I thought. I called. I said some shit I shouldn’t have. But - who the fuck does he think he is, actually?” Her speech got faster and more animated as the anger visibly accumulated under her skin. “He doesn’t - he  _ isn’t _ the only person hurting over Jack. He can’t just - he can’t take this from me. He doesn’t get to lay claim to - to all the hurt. He can’t do that to me after everything.” She sighed and hit both her hands down on the bed next to her with an audible  _ thump _ . “He thinks I don’t care because I - what? Went to therapy? Grief counselling? Worked as hard as I could to get over it? I didn’t just abandon up my whole life when Jack died. He did.” The silence stretched between them with only Lily’s audible, ragged breathing hanging between them. “So that’s what happened tonight.”

Reagan knew that she was getting an extremely one-sided account of whatever had actually happened, as she always did with Lily. She knew that there was more to the story, more to what had happened between Sammy and Lily in both the distant and recent past than what Lily was telling her, but it wasn’t important in the moment to dig any deeper on it. It would be counter-productive. “That sucks,” she said bluntly, because there wasn’t anything else she could think of saying that didn’t sound insincere or pitying, neither of which were things Lily needed to hear.

Lily huffed a laugh that sounded a little more real than before. “It sure does.”

Reagan reached over and turned the light off. She listened as Lily shuffled around to get under the blankets.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” Reagan whispered.

“Thanks,” Lily replied. “I hope you do, too.”

Reagan closed her eyes and tried to let herself try and slip back into sleep. She found herself struggling, wondering what Lily thought she was searching for. What was her goal?

 

Emily’s night out with Ben hadn’t really lead anywhere for their investigation, not that Maggie or Reagan had really thought it would.

He had wanted to check something out in Perdition Woods, but they weren’t delving into the various paranormal happenings. While there were inherently geographic links between the himinists, the Science Institute, and Perdition Woods, the actually goings-ons weren’t connected in any way that they could determine.

Maggie had had some harsh words for Ben, but luckily she didn’t say them to his face.

Reagan knew that Ben was trying to help. He wanted to help, not only just because of what he felt for Emily but because he didn’t want bad things to be going on in the town he loved. She had to admire that.

It left them just as lost as they always were, over the last few months. There were no good leads for them, at least not that they could follow up with or back up with evidence. Just gut instincts and fragmented historical documents.

 

**February**

Reagan didn’t know what had happened until the morning after, when she woke up to a lot of texts from most people she knew in King Falls, all asking nearly the same thing.

_ Did you listen to the radio last night? _

She hadn’t. Reagan was naturally not a night person, prefering to go to sleep and wake up early to go on early morning runs, which is exactly what she was planning to do after texting a few people to ask what had happened. If something important had happened, she wanted to know before she made any plans.

It was Emily who got back to her nearly immediately, detailing everything - how Greg had called in, how Sammy and Ben had thought they were off the air, how she had tried to call and text to let them know but they both kept their phones on silent. 

The shower turned off and a minute later Lily stepped out.

“Did you listen to the radio last night?” Reagan finds herself asking before she can even help herself.

Lily’s whole frame goes taught, which is all the answer Reagan needed, really, but she says, “No. No, I - I didn’t, but I already know.” She goes through her drawers, spending more time looking for something to wear than Reagan had ever seen before, considering she wore variations on the same outfit nearly every day. She stopped and looked up, meeting Reagan’s eye. “Do you think it’s my fault? If I hadn’t called in, I don’t -” she looked down at her hands, clutching a pair of grey slacks.

“You don’t - what?”

“I don’t think anyone would have figured it out, let alone  _ Greg _ . The things I said were… they were pretty pointed,” she admitted.

“I think I’m still fuzzy on some of the details,” Reagan said, “but from what Emily told me, no one could have predicted what happened last night. If it was anyone’s fault, it was Greg’s, for being a piece of shit.”

“Yeah, I - I can see that.” An expression crossed Lily’s face that looked like it was trying to pretend to be a smile. “As mad as I am at Sammy, we both deserved better than this. Jack is - Jack is dead. I don’t know if he was abducted or ran away or what happened to him, but he’s dead now. If he isn’t, then he’s somewhere where he doesn’t want to be found, away from our bullshit, and he might as well be dead. I  _ have _ to believe that to wake up in the morning, because if he isn’t dead then I’ve failed as his older sister. And I wish I wasn’t having this conversation in a towel, but-” she opened her arms as if to demonstrate the inevitability of the situation,  _ c’est la vie _ . “Sammy doesn’t, though. I don’t know what he thinks happened, but he thinks Jack is out there somewhere to be found. I don’t know how he hasn’t just - lost it, yet.”

“There’s nothing to understand,” Reagan said. “You’re both grieving. That’s all.”

Lily nodded. “I know that, logically, and I’m still mad as hell at him anyway. I’m going to get dressed, and then - then, I don’t know. Today is just going to happen.” She walked back into the bathroom with her clothes. She paused before she closed the door behind her again, looking like she was about to say anything, but she didn’t. 

So Reagan put on her running clothes and left.

 

**March**

“Why don’t you just go home?” Maggie asked.

Reagan felt herself flinch, but - “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. 

It had been a slow month. What happened the month before had shocked them on a personal level, but in terms of leads and research and bringing down secret cults - nothing. It was almost too quiet, because before there was usually  _ something _ every few days. Someone saying something they shouldn’t have or a new piece of documentation that Emily found pointing to someone new. It was slow, and most things didn’t lead anywhere or give them anything real, but it had been at least something to look at. There hadn’t been anything for three weeks, and it was starting to put them all on edge. 

“It would be… safer for me to go,” Reagan said slowly. “I’d be farther from this; I could probably get my life back on track.”

“Don’t go because you think you have to,” Emily interjected. “Or because you think we don’t want you here. You’re helpful, Reagan. Something could happen at any moment and we might need you.”

“We could always just call you and get you on the next flight in,” Maggie muttered. “Nothing’s been exactly ‘urgent’ lately.”

Emily shot Maggie a look and Maggie rolled her eyes before walking out of the motel room. She turned back to Reagan. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” she started, which was a horrible way to start any conversation, “but why  _ haven’t _ you left?”

Reagan looked down at her hands, at the stack of books next to her bed, at the room that she had spent most of her time in the last few months. “I don’t know,” she said again, but it didn’t feel as convincing this time.

“Do you… want a hug?” Emily asked slowly.

Reagan shook her head. “I’ll think about what we talked about.”

Emily nodded and rose from the bed. “Okay, just - call if you need anything, okay? Anything at all and I’ll be here.”

“Thank you.” Reagan smiled up at her, trying to project the image of a person who knew what they were doing and what was going on in the world around them. Emily searched her face for a second and came away not looking convinced, but she didn’t say anything.

Just as Emily was walking out the door, Lily was coming in, looking angry about something.

As soon as the door shut behind her, Reagan fell back on the bed. “If you’re going to start yelling, grab the pillow and go in the bathroom. I’m not in the mood.”

“I don’t yell,” Lily seethed.

“You’ve never talked to yourself, then.”

Lily set food down on the bed next to Reagan but didn’t start taking it out, just went right into pacing up and down the length of the room. “Have you talked to Sammy recently?”

“Not really.” She had texted Sammy once, and sent a message through Ben, but she had more of a friendship with Ben out of the two of them. He liked The X-Files and spotted her when she went to the gym with him.

“He’s spiraling. I thought, after what happened, he’d start to - heal, or something, I don’t know. But he’s just doubled down on giving up. How could he do this if he thinks Jack is alive?” Lily got very close to raising her voice and cut herself off.

“Why does it matter? You think Jack is dead,” Reagan replied bluntly.

That made Lily pause. “If I thought there was any chance of saving my brother, I would be going for it. I don’t understand how he can have that hope and not  _ do anything _ about it.”

“You know what I think?” Reagan asked frustratedly. “Sammy thinks Jack is alive because he has to to keep going. If Jack is dead, that would kill Sammy. You have to believe that Jack is dead because you have to, and if he isn’t that would kill you. It’s mutually incompatible and only one of you is right and  _ you _ can’t deal with potentially being wrong.” She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Sorry. That was unnecessarily harsh.”

Lily had stopped in her tracks at Reagan’s outburst, and was left stunned in the wake of it. A few expressions that Reagan couldn’t tell apart, was too tired to try, flickered across Lily’s face before settling on something neutral. “We should eat before it gets cold,” she said, effectively ending the conversation.

Reagan took the out and started to unpack the bag.

 

**April**

It feels like a punch to the gut when she sees it. Like being run over by a truck, like -

“ _ Sorry Reagan, baby _ .”

Reagan sat down heavily, not able to take her eyes off the television. She was barely able to blink. Her thoughts tripped over each other, racing around her head so quickly it just became a deafening cacophony. She could feel the pressure building behind her eyes and closed them slowly.

Her phone started to buzz on the bed next to her. Once, twice, and then incessantly. Blindly, she grabbed the phone and accepted the call, putting it to her ear.

“Reagan, oh my God!” Emily’s voice said frantically. “Are you okay? Is there - do you need anything?”

“I’m fine,” Reagan answered and it didn’t feel like a lie, exactly. This situation wasn’t fine, it wasn’t going to be okay, but she didn’t feel… anything. It was like a hole had opened up and swallowed all the tension she normally kept in her body. Somewhere in the back of her mind, this had always been the other shoe that she’d been worried about.

“It’s okay to be upset right now,” Emily was saying. 

“I know.”

“Okay, well…” Emily sighed over the line. “Have you thought about going back to DC? You’re only going to be in more danger now.”

“I’ve thought about it,” Reagan said, “and I’m staying right here. If I leave, he’ll target you or Maggie, or if it’s me he really wants to hurt then he’ll just follow me and I will be alone.” 

“That makes sense. I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Emily replied. 

Reagan might have smiled at Emily’s concern if she could feel anything. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay here.”

“I have to go, someone’s just walked in, but just - put me on speed-dial or something, call me the second anything happens.”

“I will. Don’t worry about me.”

Emily hung up the phone and Reagan looked at her screen. The first two texts she’d gotten where from Emily, just warning her that she was about to call though not leaving enough time for the warning to be useful, and then over the short phone call she had received a few more. Maggie had also texted to check in, along with Sammy and Ben. 

She replied to them the same way she had Emily - she was okay. She was fine. She was going to be fine.

 

Reagan wasn’t sure how many hours passed before Lily got back that evening. She hadn’t been able to read, to do anything. Started and stopped a few different things only to end up feeling unable to keep clinging on to any form of interest.

“I heard about what happened,” Lily said when she walked in.

Reagan reluctantly sat up. “Don’t want to talk about it.”

Lily shrugged. “You don’t have to.” She set the food down. “I’m going out again soon. I would appreciate it if you kept your phone on, just in case.”

Reagan picked up her food and started to eat. “What are you planning?”

“It’s better if you don’t know.” Lily sat down directly across from her, so they were each sitting on their own bed but with their legs in the middle, knees touching.

The silence quickly became too much for Reagan to deal with. “You said I wasn’t a failure because I arrested him, but it didn’t even stick. I couldn’t even do  _ that _ right.”

“That was never up to you,” Lily said vehemently, more force behind her words that Reagan had expected.

“But I spent - I spent time with him, and I couldn’t get them enough evidence.  _ That _ was up to me.” Reagan felt her face grow hot, the pressure building behind her eyes again, and she looked down, willing herself not to cry. It was like the void she’d felt that morning was rushing to be filled by something unknowable and awful. Grief or something like it tried to fill the hole.

Lily reached over and put her hand on top of Reagan’s, making Reagan look up and meet her eyes. “You did what you could. And maybe it wasn’t enough, but it was all you could do.”

Reagan took a deep breath and forced herself to feel it all the way down to her toes. Her eyes misted over slightly when she blinked and she reached up with her free hand to clear them. Lily was looking at her more closely than she had expected, leaning forward just slightly, and Reagan couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t sound like a lie about how she was fine, actually, or that she believed she wasn’t at fault for what happened. Lily reached up and tucked some of Reagan’s hair back behind her ear, as if she was helping her compose herself, and Reagan gave her a weak smile. This was probably the closest she’d ever been to Lily, and she could see the slight hazel to her otherwise bright green eyes, and the handful of freckles that only appeared on the tops of her cheeks.

Lily’s phone rang loudly making her sit back quickly, letting go of Reagan’s hand as she did. She looked at it and picked it up. “Yeah, I’m on my way,” she said, and nothing else, before hanging up. She stood up and started to gather her things back up. “I’ll probably be gone all night, but please keep your phone on,” she said to Reagan this time.

“Sure.” She turned on the ringer before she forgot, and then Lily was gone.

 

Reagan’s phone woke her up and she didn’t bother to check the time or who was calling when she answered. There was a very short list of people who could possibly be calling, and only one of whom was likely.

“Yes?” she asked in lieu of a proper greeting.

“I’m at the police station,” Lily said, anger simmering in her voice. “I need you to bail me out. And maybe Tim if Mary isn’t here when you get here.”

Reagan sighed. “What the fuck did you do tonight?”

“Just say you’ll pick me up and I’ll tell you everything when you get here.” 

“Of course I will.”

Lily hung up first and Reagan forced herself to get out of bed. She pulled on jogging pants and a sweater, and drove in to King Falls.

 

There was still commotion when she arrived. 

She was surprised to see that Sammy was there, looking extremely haggard and frustrated, but talking to one of the officers on duty.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, walking up behind him.

He jumped slightly and she felt bad for startling him, but it looked like a stiff breeze might have had the same effect. “Picking up Ben. What are  _ you _ doing?”

“I’m here for Lily. Why is Ben here?” She felt herself getting more confused, wondering what part in Lily’s plan Ben must have had. She knew Tim was there, or had been if Mary had already been through, but Lily hadn’t said anything about Ben. 

Sammy looked deflated and leaned against the wall next to him. “We can all talk in the morning,” he said, and Reagan had to agree.

She walked around him and found someone to ask about getting Lily.

 

**May**

Reagan and Lily had stayed up to listen.

Reagan could have gone if she had wanted to, could have been in the gym with the people she had come to know in town, but Lily - Lily couldn’t, and she had looked as if she couldn’t bear to be alone. Reagan knew she would never have asked her to stay, so she didn’t give Lily the option of being alone.

The signal went dead and Reagan quickly turned the radio off to stop the horrible static, prickling the air and making the hair at the back of her neck stand up. Silence filled the room like a vacuum, rushing in.

“He always meant to do this,” Lily said, slowly. She laughed disbelievingly and it wasn’t a happy sound. “He had never really given up; he was just biding his time.” Lily looked up, meeting Reagan’s eyes. “What the fuck just happened?”

Reagan shook her head. “I don’t know. Do we - should we go over?”

“They wouldn’t have me, especially not right now.” Lily looked down and reached across the empty space to take Reagan’s hand. “Do you think Jack is-” she cut herself off, unable to finish the question, unable to confront the possibility.

“What do you think?” Reagan replied instead, because she believed that Sammy had seen or heard or felt something, but she wasn’t sure what answer Lily needed to hear right now.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anymore,” Lily said, shaking her head. “Was I… wrong, this whole time?” she asks, and it’s immediately clear that it’s a question she could only ever voice at 2:30 in the morning.

“If you were, there’s no way you could have known.”

Lily nodded and patted Reagan’s hand before pulling away. “Thank you,” she said. “For everything.”

Reagan smiled at her. “We should go to sleep. There’s nothing we can do to help tonight.”

 

Reagan wasn’t sure what happened, but it took a few days for Lily to offer help in rebuilding the station, and Sammy had summarily rejected her aide.

Lily came into the motel room seething. “I’m trying to  _ help _ , doesn’t he see that?”

“He’s hurt,” Reagan responded, because she had spoken to Sammy once since the incident and had been texting with Ben and Emily. 

“We both are!” Lily said angrily. “I know we’ve been - at odds - lately, but I want to help! I’m willing to listen!”

“Just try and stay in contact,” Reagan suggested. “Show him you aren’t going to start blaming him again, because that isn’t what he needs right now.”

“What he needs? What about what I need?”

“I know you’re grieving, but you didn’t just try to kill yourself,” Reagan said bluntly. “He needs all the support he can get right now.”

“I’m  _ trying _ !” Lily looked frantic, pacing the room back and forth, and Reagan reached forwards and grabbed the side of her blazer as she passed, forcing Lily down onto the bed next to her.

“You need to prove it to him, because with your history he isn’t going to believe it. Not for a long time, and maybe not ever. But you need to try.” Reagan kept her eyes locked on Lily’s, trying to convey the importance of her words. “When I left the military, I was where he is now. I almost did something I would have regretted. It’s not the same at all - I never got that close, because I had groups to go to and support, but I got closer than I would ever like to be. So you need to just - call him, let him know you’re here for whenever he needs it.”

Lily set her jaw. “Okay. I’ll send him a text. But-” she stopped herself, shaking her head. “He doesn’t want my help, anyway.”

“He can’t do any worse to you than you’ve already done to each other,” Reagan reminded her. “Just talk to him. If he never accepts your help, you can deal with it then.”

“I’m still mad at him,” she admitted.

“That’s fine,” Reagan said, and moved her hand from clutching at Lily’s blazer to her hands, which her gripping her phone tightly. She tried not to act surprised when Lily let her head touch Reagan’s shoulder. “You’re allowed to be mad, and you can even tell him that, but you need to be clear that you also still want to help.”

Lily nodded and then righted herself, getting back on her feet. “I’ll leave a message,” she decided, finally. She left the room, already dialing on her phone. 

 

**June**

Reagan found the note taped to the outside of the motel room at just past five in the morning.

It was on plain white paper, folded in half and placed in the middle of the door. When she removed and unfolded it, it had just one handwritten word on it.

_ Leave _ .

The handwriting itself was both immediately familiar to her and the only identifiable thing about it.

She went back into the room slowly, triple checking the lock. Lily was still asleep.

She put the note on the dresser and pulled her phone out, calling Emily. She didn’t pick up and Reagan didn’t leave a message, hanging up and then trying her number again right away. If Emily was busy or on the phone with someone, she would realize that Reagan calling twice meant something important.

Emily picked up after the first ring. “What happened?” she asked, quickly getting to the point.

Reagan told her.

“Are you - are you going to?” Emily asked.

Reagan shook her head even though she knew Emily couldn’t see her, she just couldn’t hold still. “I don’t know. I don’t - I still don’t want to leave, this is still my fight, but - I don’t want to put you or anyone else in danger.”

“What does Lily think?” Emily asked. “Because if you stay and someone comes for you, she’s the only other person in immediate danger.”

“She’s still asleep,” Reagan said, looking over to confirm.  “I’ll talk to her when she wakes up, but - I don’t know. I don’t think it’s worth staying aymore. It isn’t safe for me or any of you.”

“If you think leaving is what you have to do, Reagan, then I will back you up, but what I said before still stands. You don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want to. Don’t let them bully you out of a place you want to be.” Emily’s voice was soft but with an undercurrent of steal. Reagan didn’t doubt that she could seriously hurt anyone who came for her or the people she loved.

“I don’t think I know where I want to be,” Reagan admitted. “Wherever helps people. Wherever keeps people safe.”

“You can do that wherever you are. Just - if you’re going to leave, don’t do it right away, okay? I’ll come by after work and we can talk about options.”

“Okay, I’ll stay for today. They didn’t exactly give me a timeline,” she tried to joke, but it fell flat. “I won’t leave until I’ve seen you.”

Reagan heard Lily stirring. “What’s happening?” she asked, voice a little thick from sleep. “What are you talking about?”

Emily obviously heard her as well. “I’ll let you go,” she said. “Just - please wait.”

“I will. Take care of yourself.”

“I always do.”

Emily hung up and Reagan did the same, turning to look at Lily who was looking more alert by the second.

“Who were you talking to and about what?” Lily asked, still a little groggy but getting straight to the point.

“Emily, and this.” Reagan grabbed the note and handed it to Lily who looked it over.

“Himinists?” she asked simply and Reagan nodded.

“That’s Ernie’s handwriting. I don’t know what they’ll do if I don’t leave.” They had probably thought it was better left to the imagination, whatever the worst thing Reagan could think of was. Reagan’s ‘worst’ was probably worse than most peoples, but they absolutely knew that.

Lily shrugged. “Kidnap you, probably. It’s what they did to me.”

“I don’t think so. Ernie’s killed people before and I’m probably at the top of his new list.”

Lily sat up all the way, throwing the blankets off of herself. “Don’t leave,” she said matter-of-factually.

Reagan paused. “If they come for me, they’ll find you and hurt you, too,” she elaborated, because obviously Lily didn’t understand how close she was to this, how much danger she was in by sleeping in the same room as Reagan, the same room that they himinists had located and targeted.

“I don’t care. I can handle myself, and so can you. Let them try to take either of us.”

“They have the whole local government and police on their side. They can do whatever they want.”

“I don’t care,” Lily repeated with more force than before. “I’ve been to war-torn countries where we were under constant threat from all sorts of things outside of our control, and so have you - we can handle a little domestic corruption.”

“If I leave then you won’t have to worry about it at all. They probably won’t come for you again, at least not to kill you.” 

Lily met her eye steadily and silence stretched between them. “I don’t want you to leave,” she said finally.

Reagan stopped in her tracks, looking at Lily quizzically but not saying anything. She didn’t know what to ask or say to get the information she wanted in that moment, so she just kept quiet.

Lily looked away and pressed her lips together in a thin line. “You’ve helped me a lot over the last few months,” she admitted, and her reluctance made it seem as if the act of saying it was painful or particularly close to the vest. Like it was a much greater admission than it would be for anyone else. “Without you here - I don’t know. I would have had a harder time, I think. I definitely would have ruined whatever chance at normalcy I might have had left with Sammy, which would be terrible if - if Jack really is alive.”

Reagan couldn’t help but smile a little, even though she still felt the cold pit of fear opening up in her stomach. “Thanks,” she said. “You’ve helped me, too, you know. I probably would have gotten cabin fever a long time ago.”

Lily smiled up at her and then let out a breath, as if she had been holding it. She stood up and clapped her hands together once. “Okay. That’s done. You aren’t going anywhere, and we can kick anyone’s ass that we need to. Understood?”

“Understood.”

 

Emily brought Maggie with her when she came by in the evening and Reagan told them in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t be leaving. She didn’t tell them about what she had talked about with Lily, just that Lily knew the potential risks.

Maggie didn’t understand, and thought she should still leave, but Maggie had never understood her decision to stay. Emily, however, looked almost proud of her.

“You’re doing the right thing,” she said. “Stand your ground. It’s the only thing we have left to us right now.”

Reagan couldn’t help but agree.

 

**July**

Lily switched her attention from the Science Institute itself to the Rainbow Lights. They were definitely connected, because someone had seen the lights coming from the Institute’s grounds before, so they were either working together or one was working for the other. And since Sammy hadn’t reached out to talk to Lily again as far as Reagan knew, it was the only way she could help with the efforts to get the station back in working order. If she couldn’t help the actual rebuilding, Lily was determined to help in figuring out why it had been destroyed in the first place.

“We can’t try and break in again,” Lily said regretfully. “They’ll be more on guard now than before.”

Emily agreed with her. “But they have to be funding the himinists, right? Or at least have some power, there. So to take down the himinists we need to deal with the Science Institute.”

Lily nodded. “We need to find another way in.”

Maggie yawned and stood up from her chair. “If we’re gonna just keep talking in circles about this for another hour, I’m gonna go to bed. I have, you know, a job? That I need to get to in the morning?”

Emily looked at the time on her phone. “I should probably get going, too. We can pick this up tomorrow.”’

“I’ll let you know if we think of anything in the meantime,” Lily says.

The door closes behind them and Lily curses. Reagan doesn’t ask what’s wrong, because she knows. She was feeling the frustration as well, the dead-endedness of all their leads. Emily had been looking into the Rainbow Lights since she had gotten back and had found so little that of course they weren’t going to find anything right away as soon as they started, but it was still hard to deal with.

 

It didn’t take long for Reagan to realize that Lily wasn’t sleeping.

Before, she had woken up before Lily to go on a run, but now she found Lily already awake and at work. She was wearing more makeup than usual to hide the bags under her eyes but she couldn’t hide how bone-tired she was from Reagan.

Lily was trying to convince herself that Jack was alive and able to be saved, Reagan knew that. If it was true, she needed to find the evidence as soon as possible. The problem was that Reagan was pretty sure there would be no tangible evidence, at least none that didn’t require talking to Sammy or going into Perdition Woods and trying to enter the Void herself.

Reagan hoped that Lily realized how futile that was after Sammy’s attempt, but she wasn’t sure anymore.

“You need to take care of yourself,” Reagan said finally, putting a bottle of water in front of Lily’s laptop.

Lily pushed it out of the way and kept reading whatever article it was she had found. “There’s time for that later.”

“Not if you dehydrate, there isn’t.”

Lily turned to look at her. “What do you know about this?”

“Dehydration? It’s not a fun way to go, but I don’t have first hand experience with anything that bad.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Reagan met her eyes and saw that Lily was itching for a fight. She didn’t want to, but she felt the frustration itching under her skin, too. “I know.”

Lily stood up to her full height, a few inches taller than Reagan on flat feet. “You’ve never gotten so deep into something that nothing else mattered. Hell, you blew your last case because you fell in love with the target and didn’t even  _ know _ it.”

Reagan didn’t flinch. “It took you two and a half years to follow up on the only lead you had about your brother.”

“He was  _ dead _ , there was nothing to find out!”

“You don’t really believe that.”

“You’re too ready to believe  _ anything _ . You believed Ernie loved you, but he was waiting to slit your throat,” Lily retorted.

“At least I’ve let people in! It’s sure seeming like it’s only been the wrong ones, but it’s better than trying to get by without ever caring about anyone.”

“I care about people, you just care too much. It’s going to get you killed.”

“Who do you care about, Lily?” Reagan met her eyes and stood her ground, not giving an inch.

Lily didn’t answer, meeting Reagan’s gaze just as coldly. “I’m going to bed,” she said, but she didn’t back down or move away.

They stood like that for a few more seconds before they both broke eye contact and took a step back. Tension simmered in the room as they got ready for bed silently and Reagan turned the lights off.

She was already pretending to be asleep when Lily came out of the bathroom. 

“I’m sorry,” Lily said quietly, almost like she didn’t want Reagan to hear. 

Reagan took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, too. I just don’t want you to end up in the hospital.”  _ Or worse _ , she didn’t add.

“I know. I’ll be more careful.”

“Thanks.”

Reagan didn’t hear Lily move and when she looked over, Lily was still standing near the bathroom. “Do you… want to come over here?”she asked hesitantly, a little afraid of what Lily might say.

But Lily didn’t say anything. She just walked over and got into Reagan’s bed on the other side. “Goodnight,” she said, just as quietly as before but closer now.

“Goodnight.”

 

**August**

It wasn’t that Reagan didn’t know she was attracted to women, in a general sense. She had for most of her life, but it hadn’t really been an option when she was growing up in a small and tight-knit community. And she had liked dating boys just fine, so she had just sort of… shoved down any other possibilities. Sure, her taste was observably bad, but those relationships had been good for the most part. Men were interested in her and it was easier to just do that than to pay any mind to the times when she sometimes thought  _ maybe _ -

So she was a little bit… overtaken by the realization that she was attracted to Lily Wright. If she really thought about it, she could see it, in retrospect. 

As soon as she let herself realize it, Reagan shoved it down again into a dark corner of her brain, to be picked apart later or not at all. 

It didn’t matter, because she had a life to get back to in DC eventually. Hopefully a job, definitely an apartment she was still paying rent on after all these months. 

Reagan was confused to see Lily’s car still parked in front of their motel room, along with another she recognized as belonging to Sammy. It was almost eight in the morning and she was just getting back from going to the gym with Ben, but Lily was normally gone by this time.

She considered knocking to let them know she was coming in, and then figured if they were fighting then they wouldn’t hear it anyway so she just unlocked and opened the door.

What she didn’t expect to hear was laughter. When she walked into the room, Sammy and Lily were sitting and laughing about something. 

“Hey, Reagan,” Sammy said, smiling at her. He yawned and tried to hide it with his hand. “I should probably be going, actually.” He stood up and looked at Lily like he wasn’t entirely sure how to address her. “I’ll - talk to you later.”

Lily nodded at him soberly. “I’ll hold you to it.”

Sammy nodded his head once and went to walk past Reagan. “I’ll see you later, too, Reagan. Take care.”

“You, too, Sammy,” she replied and he left the room behind her. She turned to Lily questioningly. “What was that about?”

Lily shrugged. “He came by right after you left, probably right after the show. He wanted to know if I still wanted to help with the station, and - and if I wanted to help look for Jack.”

“What were you talking about just now?”

Lily smiled sadly. “Jack, naturally. The only thing we ever had in common.”

Reagan didn’t say that she was fairly certain the two of them had almost  _ too much _ in common. “Are you going to help?” she asked instead.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so. I still - I’m still not sure, exactly, what happened. But I have to take the chance, right?” Lily looked centered in her conviction to stay and search, but she was still looking at Reagan as if for approval and Reagan wasn’t sure what to do with that.

“You have follow what you believe.”

Lily nodded like that was some profoundly new thing. “Yeah. Thanks.” When she looked at Reagan, there was something in her eyes just left of gratitude.

“Anytime,” Reagan replied, and tried to mean it less than she did.

 

Lily started to go out in the mornings and evenings with Sammy and Ben to help the search for all things Void related, and sometimes she took Reagan along.

Simultaneously, the boys were becoming more concerned with the upcoming Sheriff’s election, but Emily and Maggie stepped up to do a lot of campaigning for Troy. Not only was Emily at least friends with Troy, but they all wanted to see him become Sheriff to disrupt the himinist contingent. If someone they trusted could be on the inside, then they might have a chance to change something.

It was the first time in a long time that Reagan had felt there was direction in what she was involved in.

 

**September**

The late summer heat hadn’t left King Falls yet, not yet settling into a mild Autumn, when Reagan got the call.

As soon as she hung up, she walked back into the motel room, unsure of what expression was on her face.

“What happened?” Lily asked immediately, standing up and moving closer to Reagan.

“I lost my job,” she said. “The investigation ended and - and they’ve fired me.” She pushed past Lily and went to sit down on the bed. 

Lily sat next to her and put an arm around her but she just sat stiffly next to her. “What are you going to do now?” she asked and Reagan shrugged.

“Go pack up my apartment?” she said. “I don’t know. Find a new job. What can I even do? I was an art major. Did I ever tell you that? What skills do I have for anything else?”

“You could be a blogger,” Lily said, semi-jokingly. “Look, just - don’t think about it today, okay? I wanted to talk to you about something, anyway, that might make this all not matter.”

Reagan took a deep breath and was surprised that she hadn’t started to cry. “Okay. I won’t.”

“I’m staying in King Falls,” Lily started. “Permanent. I want to be here when Jack gets back, if we can get him back, and then - then I’m going to stay here as long as he is. I spent too long without my brother already.”

“Okay?”

“And I want you to stay with me. I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but I’m not a very nice person, and you - you’ve stuck by me. You’ve helped me a lot. And I want you to stay here, with me.” 

When Reagan looked over at her, Lily was staring at her intently, and Reagan was struck by the one question she needed an answer to, to determine if it would be a good idea. So she leaned over and kissed her, trying to telegraph what she was doing, and Lily put her free hand in Reagan’s hair. 

They pulled away after a moment and Lily smiled at her. “We can start looking at apartments tomorrow,” she said, quietly. 

Reagan nodded. She would need to find a new job, but it could wait. When she leaned back in, she knew that everything would start coming together soon. She finally had direction.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you liked this! I worked really hard and am quite proud of it!! Creating a ship of two people who have never met from scratch isn't easy work thank u.
> 
> Also I could be convinced to write an epilogue-esque thing to this if anyone is interested so like.. lmk


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